I had my first offical "mean" moment regarding Cameron and his abilities. I knew this day would come when someone would call him "special" in a duragtory way, but I never thought the word "Mental...." would be used. Really, I didn't.
The PC terms are "Developmentally Delayed", "Special Needs", "Intellectual Disablity".
In fact, if you've been watching the news lately there's a whole issue with a comment Rahm Emanuel made using the word "Retarded" in a closed door meeting. About a year ago a similar issue came up when Obama made a comment on The Tonight Show equating his bowling skills with that of a Special Olympics participant.
Now when the Obama thing happened last year I recall our PT at the time (who has a Downs Syndrome son) her and I were really offended by this and if I hadn't been so overwhelmed with daily stuff I probably would have written a letter to someone, somewhere.
Retarded, Mentally Retarded and the like are NOT appropriate. But people use them all the time, my own friends will say the word "Retarded" when describing something. I have never scolded them, and never will. It's not my thing. Because I know I've used the word before as well, not since Cameron was born, but that's just one of the many things I've changed since Cameron.
What is my thing is to tell EDUCATORS they need to get an education about what "special needs" means, it does not mean "Mental", "Retarded" or any other duragatory word you can come up with. As an educator you need to know that a special needs kid can do many, and in some cases, all the things a typically developing child can.
So what happened??
We are planning to send Cameron to a typical Preschool next year in addition to his Special Education classroom. Not only is this something Cameron's doctors recommend, but so does his teacher. Getting Cameron used to a typical school setting is an important part of development and we think he'll do well.
I have visited 5 area preschools, and as we were struggling to make our choice having narrowed it down to our church preschool and another area school, a local neighbor, who also happens to be a developmental therapist, highly recommended a school in the next town over. I was excited, not only was it nearby, it wasn't super expensive and with the thumbs up from a friend I just thought this was the one. Up until this point we didn't feel settled on a choice.
I called & spoke with one of the educators, after she gave me her spiel, I said I wanted to share a little about my son. I didn't go into great detail, I have learned to reduce Cameron's "story" to only the necessary information, about 6 months after he was born I think I scared off at least 5 good sitters with his "full story!".
I mentioned things like - he's in our local Early Childhood class, he's developmentally delayed - but if you saw him at the park you'd likely never guess this, he wears ankle/foot orthotics, but I also said he's high functioning, can talk, walk and he's even potty trained.
At this point the woman informed she was "the aide" for the class and I should speak with the teacher. So she passed the phone over and says to Teacher
"This is Rory, her son is "MENTAL..." I don't know what, if any, word followed that statement.
But I seriously let it go, because she didn't understand, so I started the same story about Cameron to the teacher, rather quickly she told me their Board of Education (this is a private CHRISTIAN school) does not like them to work with special ed students b/c they are not licensed Special Ed teachers and recommends we go to our local district for that". I explained I could certainly understand this, but that he's really quite capabale, she asked can he do stairs. I replied yes, I would ask that the classroom aide keep an extra eye on him initially until he's comfortable with the new surroundings. She repeated the same mantra, basically we don't do special needs.
I quickly ended the call and burst into tears in the parking lot of Panera. I had an appt at one last school in 20 minutes. I had to get myself together.
This is just the beginning of what will follow as we fight to get Cameron a good education. To try and make people understand that kids do not all fit into a nice neat mold, they come in all shapes, sizes and different levels of ability.
I recounted this story to my good friend Mollie, who's daughter also has Hydrocepahlus, I feel so lucky she's in my life! Her and I have been swapping the stress over finding the right preschool for our kids. And she said it perfectly - what happens to the kids in the Gray Area?
Cameron is not severely impaired, it's not cut and dry with him - Special Ed or Inclusion - he deserves a chance in a typical classroom. He is in the Gray Area.
The good news in all of this, of the 6 schools I called and visited, only ONE did not want him. The rest of them were at the very least OPEN to working with him, and two were very accommodating.
So he'll be going to one of those two schools, and he will succeed.
It's preschool, and I feel as though this last week has sucked the life out of me as if I spent a 7 hour day at Chilren's.
